A new beginning...

It's been about 6 weeks since I left Penang and back in KL...

After so long, this is the first time I ever have the chance to blog... and I guess this might be a long one...~

Once back... I knew I was going back to my previous hospital for work. Sigh...~ back to my old life but a life as a single guy... Once with BN... and now... I am on my own again...~ As usual, definitely will play those p apps...~ And among many guys that I knew... I would highlight this guy, SY.

We knew each other from the apps.. Chat from time to time but on a friendly basis but who knows things would turn tide as time goes.

One night, after completing my personal matters, I was suppose to have dinner with my 2nd ex but then got put off because he has to attend a late meeting... Hanging around alone.. I don't know what to do and I am hungry... needing to eat and find a company, I scroll through the apps to find someone who is available and SY and a few other guys came about... I messaged all of them and SY replied.

So we chatted, as much I wanted to have dinner only, SY kept on asking many questions that bugged me and pissed me off... Gosh... I just want to have dinner only...~ Either yes or not...~ Not asking why I am around there what I am doing around there etc...~ I almost wanted to give up and just have dinner by my own...~ Until suddenly SY said okay... We are to meet at the bank.

So... I reached and waited... and waited... and didn't see SY turn up... Was wondering will he show up or just put me off too...~ Suddenly I felt like I was being cheated and I was about to leave and messaged him... SY replied he was coming... and so I gave another chance to be patience and waited... I was telling my self in another 5 minutes if SY don't appear I will just leave.. But he appeared...~

We had dinner and just have a normal chat and he announce that he got lover... ^^ That's great for him... For me...~ Suddenly I felt lonely and single... and envy because someone has lover and not me after so long but then...~ As till date... there still isn't a guy who I feel can be on same level or better than BN...~ Maybe BN is right...~ There won't be anyone else who can know what I want or do what I want...~

After dinner we depart and after that we exchange phone number to chat on WeChat rather than just the P apps...~

From there, we chatted more and went out a few more times... As time goes on I realize I start to have feel for him... and I could feel he has feel for me...~ But keeping in mind he has a lover so I keep reminding myself that we are friends... but as I did that, I do meet other p people and if SY know then he will get jealous but the weird thing is he didn't admit he like me also...~ So I couldn't be bothered and just go on with my daily life...~ As times goes on things got complicated between us...~

20th Sept... 2014... Its Bon Odori day....~ SL, A & B is coming down from Penang, as planned from end of September... SL has been all the while liking me and wanting to make me his other half but I don't feel he and I are meant to be as he isn't my type...~ So I did told him before that I don't know if we can be together but I just don't want to think about relationship at that point of time...~ So I told him that I want to concentrate on my life and in a years time only decide when I go back to Penang...~ At that point of time SL planned to come down KL to be with me but I forbid because I have a feeling I will go back Penang in a year time because I can't stand the life in KL...~ So SL planned to wait for me until I go back but make frequent trip to  KL to meet me...~

But on then 19th Sept, SY and I got into a serious talk and suddenly we confessed to each other that we have feel towards each other but then nothing can be done...~ But on that day itself... We informed each other that we became lover... Then problem arise.. How am I going to tell SL... I know I am in trouble...~ But then... I know that sooner or later... I have to announce about SY and me...~

Well, in the end, I did announce out and things went terribly wrong... I spoilt the whole Bon Odori excursion for A & B... and I did big damages towards SL... till the end until now... I don't know what to do... I felt so guilty towards them...~

Until this day...~ until this day...~