Recently knew a new guy... Going to just name him EL...~ About a week ago was our first meeting and is as though I thought we both have some chemistry... As the week past, we spend some time with each other and my feelings for him grew suddenly... Well... I thought I found BN replacement suddenly... We were from same work environment... Have some goal and things to accomplish in life... Things just seemed to fall in for both of us...~ Well... maybe for me...~
To be realistic... In about a few months I will depart back to KL... distance will be a problem for he and I... so this would pose a problem.. EL did say let's see how and move things slowly... I agree... but I think I move on too fast...~ Maybe he was sort of ideal...~ I start to dump my load in this boat and try to sail it...~
I think I was wrong...~ maybe EL isn't the guy I think could be with me...~ Well, of course EL claimed to stopped using social apps but of course EL still has his current p friends. So he got every right to go out with them... Yesterday morning, EL planned to have breakfast with me but EL got up late and I have class, so EL has to have his own breakfast and he went out with another p... So last minute but so fast EL can get another p friend as back up...~ Haha...~
Today... EL worked again... Was thinking of finding EL for lunch but then...~ Didn't got a reply...~ In the evening, got in touched with him... And then suddenly got a message from him that EL is going out dinner with friend... I don't mean to pry... but then I ask also...~ and I asked... Hoping I am not right... But I was...~ EL said it was a p...~ Having dinner near USM area...~
Sigh...~ EL has the time but rather have dinner with another p... Most probably maximizing his time that he could spend with ppl... Keeping a balance... This is what I am trying to think to reason up...~ But well...~ to make myself feel better...~ But then, that guy was the same guy as yesterday...~ Well... maybe need to meet more than once... a bit too much...~ Most likely got something else I think...~ Most likely EL actually have a few guys in mind and now is just trying to make up his mind...~ If is so... should I put effort...??
But who am I joking...~ Wake up fansu...~ Wake up...~ Yeah... I felt hurt a bit... and I think I will back off now... Haha...~ Feel like laughing and crying at the same time...~ I think I am still childish...~ Still haven't learn...~ Walk away fansu... walk away before you hurt yourself again...~
On the other hand...~ It seems like I can move on from BN..~ And now I wonder...~ Eh...?~ Is this the sign I can move on...? But then... this now I know BN is somewhere in Penang and I am still scare to face him...~ I wonder why...~ Maybe I still can't move on in the end...~ When EL is with me...~ I do still of BN... >.<...~ I think I still can't escape...~
But anyhow...~ I think its time for me to stop this between EL and I...~ I came across a guy's saying and I find it so true...~ and I shall quote by Tristan Tan
"P life is like the entertainment industry. Appearance is everything. Realistic in every single way. Everyone is working so hard in the gym and getting suntanned apart from having great hairstyles, branded colourful clothes and shoes. Expensive skin care products are a must to look great, to the max.
We know each other and some are even in the FB friend list but we never really talk or greet. Some gossip and spread rumours while some can't wait to see you fall.
Deep down, everyone is waiting for his Prince Charming but we have been hurt before. We hope to move on but we are afraid to fall in love in this hopeless place. Ended up everyone seeks for fun. Frequently the guy you sleep with sleep with your friends before. Or you might hear of new practice of open relationship that chill with 3p, 4p, 5p or even more. Complicated love affair that involved many people is nothing special but too common.
I'm tired repeating over the same routine. Fed up with all the endless attitudes that kill. Don't you feel the same?"
Yeah...~ I feel the same..~ so what am I to do...~ Let it go I guess...~
No comments:
Post a Comment