我還想她 (林俊傑)

I STILL MISS HIM/HER (JJ Lin)

Tears are downing me
Who should actually be sad?
Who actually gave up
This relationship?

I finally come to know
Unachievable promise
Became shackles
In reality, happiness is forever in shortage

Please tell him/her, I don't love him/her
Sadly laughing. self punishing
Want to stop all these struggles
Set my heart to say a truthful lie

Don't tell him/her, I still love him/her
Hate is always easier to put down than love
When tears blocks the chest
Let silence represent all answers

I don't love, I don't feel pain, I don't understand
My heart is already emptied
Heartfelt words are not truthful

Don't tell him/her, I still love him/her
Hate is always easier to put down than love

還是要幸福 (田馥甄)

STILL IN HAPPINESS (Hebe Tien) [translated by: meowmeow]

Don't kiss if you are unsure, feelings can too easily destroy a person
If one is not ruthless enough, when love fades away, still staying together is even more cruel than leaving

The mess you left behind, I will slowly finish clearing all of them away for you
I even sincerely hope that, eternity happens in your life first before it happens in mine

You must still lie happily ever after. Don't make another one cry again.
All your mistakes stop here with me. Leave me, and let this love forever be remembered

You must still live happily ever after. Only then can I be sure I've returned all that I've owed you.
Sure that I will no longer have a place in any part of your life. Starting from tomorrow onwards, all of this will end.

Return me your copy of my house keys. I think the next time we meet, it can be as friends.
I even sincerely hope that eternal love finds you before it finds me.

You must still live happily ever after. Don't make another one cry again.
All your mistakes stop here with me. Leave me, and let this love forever be remembered.

You must still live happily ever after. Only then can I be sure I've returned all that I've owed you.
Sure that I will no longer have a place in any part of your life. Starting tomorrow onwards, all of this will end.

You must still live happily ever after. Don't make another one cry again.
All your mistakes stop here with me. Leave me, and let this love forever be remembered.

If you live happily ever after, I wont need to reply the message I received late at night.
Because you would already have found a place for all your sorrows and joys.
And I, would also be able to, have the purest form of loneliness.
The loneliest of loneliness.

Can my life get any worse...?

Went to Tesco at about 4.50pm to draw money and get some groceries... Never planned to stay long...~

By 5.10pm I was out and walking towards my car...~ When I walked to the driver seat...~ I realize my driver window was not there...~ I was wondering if I accidentally put it down...~ Then when I unlock the car and opened the door, I realized that there were shards of glass on my seat...~

It was only then I know my car got broken into...~ The first thing was...~ I didn't know what to do...~ I felt angry... felt sad... And have no idea what I should do...~ Do I make a police report... Do I fix my window first...~ Wait...!! Check...~ check if anything was missing...~ But I realize... nothing was missing... Not even my Ipad...~ everything was there...~

I called dad...~ had a few bad news for him previously already (eg. scam case)... I don't know how to bring this news to dad some more...~ Sigh...~ But I have to...~ Dad told me to get the window fix and report to Tesco and police later...~ It was after 5pm and most stores are closed...~ I don't know where to put my car for the night... if the window can't be fixed...~ Sigh...~ I asked the shop that fixes tyres at Tesco and they agreed to help me...~The price a bit steep and it is just a normal window... Not even with UV... Sigh...~ But no choice... I just want to get my window fix... So I have a piece of mind...~

But I was charged RM190...~ >.< I feel it is a rip-off...~ Sigh...~

And now my life is like the pic above... Can it get any more worse...~Sigh...~ My life is bad enough...~ How much more lower should I go...~ Now I need to spend more money just to fix my car...~ At one point... I started giving up hope in my life...~ Things are just too hopeless for me...~

Have to wait for the window to get fixed... I have yoga class to attend to... And I have to skipped it...~ Then I bought my yogurt drinks and milks... And now it all got warmed up... I wonder what I should do with them now...~ Surely all has spoilt...~ I really want to curse those people who tried to rob my car...!! Curse them to hell...~ I know they have their hardship... but then... causing other people hardship... How is it right...~? Go work at a fast food joint or do something else... Why want to hurt other people...~

Is this punishment for breaking my promise with JC or is this just a way to pay back after escaping death from most probably a bus accident...?

Damn them...!!!

Ugly me...~

Sigh...~ I broke my promise with JC...

I did another piercing after I went for my facial...~

Sorry for the ugly pic... Had to do mask as advice from the beautician...~

My piercing was on the left hand top side of the ear...~

Did I just escape death...~

Dad told me, lucky I took the earlier bus back to Penang... If I have chosen the 3pm bus, I might have met with an accident...~

http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2014/03/18/Bus-plunges-into-deep-ravine-Driver-killed-and-two-passengers-seriously-injured/

Chances was I might have been in this bus...~ from the timing and where the bus is heading to...~

Thanks goodness...~

Waste of time...~

As predicted...~

In the end, the Chairman asked to pull back the case...~ Nothing to argue and we know it was a waste of time...~ Well...~ at least we tried and now we have a closure...~

Time to go back to Penang...~ And never in my life have I thought of looking forward to go back Penang... As if I was from Penang...~

Surprisingly when passed by the station, well...~ actually I was not concentrating where I am while in the train cause I was playing game...~ But...~ yeah...~ I manage to skip that memories of BN and I...~

Early morning while walking to the LRT station before the tribunal, mom actually questioned me...~ What am I doing to myself now...~ I am 29 years old this year and what is with the ear ring etc...~ Then mom started to talk about my cousin last time putting on ear ring and how my aunt from dad's side freaked out even though those ear ring isn't permanent but clipped on...~ Then go telling me if my aunties sees it, then my father have to answer them and we will sort of have 'no face'.

Suddenly I don't know how to reply my mom...~ I mean...~ All this while, I have been living to their expectation... being who they want me to be...~ I really have no freedom and I couldn't do things that I want because I was worry... How thing will be...~ How people see my parents in bring us up and how my aunt and uncle sees us and our family...~  That was why, I wanted to move out... to have freedom..~ To have my OWN life and to LIVE the way I want it to be..~ This is just what I want...~ I just want to be me...~

Mom was waiting for a reply why I pierce my ear...~ And I can't reply...~ I really just wanted to tell her...  I want to run my life and do what I want...~ For a long time ago...~ But I couldn't bring myself to telling it out...~ In the end, my mom said... Unless I am trying to hurt myself because of what happened recently...~ Well...~ there is some truth in it...~ And I continue to keep quiet and let it be...~ Let that answer be...~ I walked faster and cross the road to be apart from my mom a while so that she would stop talking to me...~

In front of dad, she would not say all this... but behind dad, she will start questioning and querying...~ Sometimes she said it is dad who complained to her and she has to be the bad one...~ But sometimes I doubt... is it dad...~ Or is it mom herself...~ Dad will always say do what we like...~ But I know deep inside him, there are stuff he mind...~ So... till now...~ I don't know who is the one that don't like what I am doing...~ But for the moment... I really want to live my life...~

After the tribunal...~ Was thinking of whether to take the 3.10pm bus or other buses that is earlier...~ After thinking and wanting to go back Penang faster, I opt to take the earlier bus...~

So back to Penang already...~ Feel happy finally getting out of KL...~ Tomorrow still have class on...~ Sigh...~

Great outing...~

JC and I set out early to Sunway Pyramid... A place where ice-skating memories was forged with BN here also...~ Where he had and accident and got me worries... It was fun with laughter...~ That was then...~

Anyway...~ had early breakfast...~ then we set out to walk around...~ Introduced JC to New-Zealand flavor of the day which is Kiwi Sensation...~ We walked and walked and looked at stuff that interest us...~

Manage to found an ear ring to my liking... A cross... which hangs...~ Wanted to buy it... But JC disapproved...~ We became like a couple for a moment there...~ which brings back happy memories between him and I... but this don't hurt me...~ I wonder why...~ Maybe time has passed... and these became memories...~ Someone was there to replace JC's memories and mine...~

Had lunch and then we headed back home...~ I kind of promise JC that I will buy the ear ring but no new piercing...~ But deep inside me...~ I am wondering if I should do it or not...~ I hope I can keep to this promise...~

Tomorrow will be tribunal day...~ I am still reluctant to go...~ every time on weekday... I am so scared when I take LRT to the venue, when I passed by the station where usually BN will stop for work...~ My memories will flood in back...~

Sigh...~ and double sigh...~